The greatest gift in disguise.

My name is Jess, I am 24 years old living in Essex with my fiancé, Sean. I am a nurse by profession and I am what you may describe as your ‘average’ 24 year old - there is nothing I love more than my yearly trips to Marbella and a good girls night out! I have an approximate 87%  lifetime chance of getting breast cancer and also a significantly increased risk of developing ovarian cancer. I carry the BRCA2 genetic mutation.

So I will start from the beginning.

My mother had breast cancer when I was a teenager and I remember vividly how she battled the dreadful disease with immense positivity and courage. Thankfully, we were lucky and after intense chemotherapy , radiotherapy and a mastectomy, mum was given the all clear. Because of this I was always very aware of breast cancer from a young age and I was exposed to meeting many women battling this awful disease, some surviving and sadly some not. However, one thing that always reassured me was that my mothers cancer was not genetic and for this reason in 2017 I went ahead and had a breast enlargement. This was a procedure I had always wanted since I started high school - a 5ft9, skinny and very flat chested girl with very little confidence!

However, on the 3rd May - just 3 days after my long awaited surgery I was recovering at home when my parents sat down to break the news that my father had in fact been tested positive for the BRCA2 mutation. To this day the hardest part of my journey so far, was watching my dads eyes fill with tears as he shared the guilt of potentially giving myself and my young sister a 50% chance of inheriting the BRCA 2 gene.

My first reactions? Perhaps irrational and definitely  extreme, but If I am to share this journey I must be honest!

1) I am going to get cancer and I am going to die. Young. 

2) Anger - why me? (Now I realise, why the hell not me?)

3) I need to have all my babies right this second so I can remove my ovaries (poor Sean probably got the shock of his life at this point!)

4) My boobs are going to kill me

After weeks of deliberation and hours upon hours of google
searches, I met with my genetic councillor from Great Ormond Street Hospital and made the decision to have the genetic blood test. I will write a separate blog post soon about the process of testing and how I came to this decision however in short, having the equal chance of being either positive or negative was enough to need to know. To this day I still haven’t read the result letter in full, other than the bold black print that states "We are sorry to tell you that...”.

So what made me put pen to paper and write this blog? In March I was invited to attend a conference for women and men in the Essex/East London area who have been affected by the BRCA gene. After a month of deliberating I reluctantly attended. I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety as I walked into the room and realised I was one of the youngest women there. My eyes filled with tears as I scanned the room - thank god for my best friend Grace coming with me else I would probably have left right then. However, an hour in to the conference I began to relax as I listened intently to the amazing researchers, consultants and speakers stood in front of me, all there to support us. To support me.

For the first time in what has been an extremely difficult year emotionally and mentally, I sat amongst nearly 100 individuals and realised that I am not alone. Since my diagnosis, I spent every spare moment scouring the internet and searching for articles hoping to find somebody in the same position and finally here I was, sat amongst the most inspiring and positive individuals. All of us
have a different background and a different story but the one thing we have in common? We all carry a mutated BRCA gene.

And that was the beginning of a whole new me and a whole new perspective on my life. I could sit and cry and wallow in self pity, but what will that achieve? The problem with a genetic mutation is that you can’t change it. I can’t pay a surgeon to correct my mutation like I did my flat boobs. Instead, a year on I now see my positive test result as a gift. After all, knowledge is power and how lucky am I to have the pre-warning that I am at an increased risk of getting cancer? I am in plans to undergo a preventative double mastectomy in the next 1-2 years and then surgical removal of my ovarian and fallopian tubes once my family is complete. This of course is an extremely difficult decision to make but how lucky am I to be given the opportunity to potentially save my own life?

I hope that by sharing my story and starting this blog I can turn what could be a negative situation into something more positive . I hope I can help raise awareness and reach out to those in the same position as I was this time last year and also those on the difficult journey that is the BRCA mutation. 

I will always carry this genetic mutation and I have a 50% chance of passing it to my children. But I have accepted that this is part of me. I am Jess, I carry the BRCA2 mutation and It has made me the strongest version of me I have ever been.

All my love, Jess x